A letter to my son


From the moment I found out I was pregnant with you I knew you were a boy. My “mother’s intuition” has never failed me when it comes to you- not once. You’re everything a little boy should be, rough, tough and a handful!!

There’s a quote I see on the internet all the time about mother’s and their children and it goes like this “No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.” You’ve been closer to me than anyone else in this world will ever be. I use to think your daddy was your “person” but after your almost 4 years on this earth I’m starting to see a Mama’s boy emerge from what once was a daddy’s boy and I have to say it makes my heart burst with joy. I’ve worked hard to earn your love – you didn’t give it away easily. That’s ok though it was worth the wait!!

Your life thus far has been a roller coaster ride and at times very difficult for you and (difficult for us to witness). I know in time things will be as they should, but for now I will do whatever it takes to get you WHATEVER you need!

You will be turning four in less than a month and I can’t believe the years have gotten away from us, it seems like just yesterday I was in my 30th+ hour of labor with you trying to bring you into this world. In other ways, it feels like these past four years have been a constant uphill battle. Fighting for a diagnosis so we could get your services and the intervention needed so that you wouldn’t fall years behind your peers. It’s never been easy but like I said you’re so worth it!

Your dad and I try not to have too many why Sawyer? Why us? Moments but its hard not to when all we want is the best for you , our precious son. We feel like we’ve done everything right from the beginning I just don’t understand why this happened to you. However; I’ve made it my life’s mission to advocate for you, for others on the spectrum and with delays and “other abilities.” I will be your voice for the rest of my days and I hope one day you’re able to share what it has been like for you-until then my dear son we will keep doing our best to make sure you have the best life we can give!

With ALL our love,

Mommy & Daddy

The one thing I feel differently about compared to most special needs parents..

So from the start of our journey my husband and I have both agreed on many things but one thing for certain is…IF we could take away Autism and all that is included with it from our son we would in a heart beat!!! Does that mean we don’t love our son for who he is? UM NO! It means we want more for our son- we hate seeing him struggle with every day task, or knowing what it is to socialize with his peers , play functionally with his toys, not need therapies but to just be a kid! This is just the beginning of our journey we’re only 2 years in and a lifetime to go..and although Sawyer has made SO MUCH progress between going to school and starting all of his therapies we just want him to be able to be a kid! I feel like we’ve finally found a somewhat of a “happy medium” with all of his providers and are praying that we continue to see more progress with his therapy programs. However we’ve hit a road block with his behaviors. He is almost completely non-compliant during all therapy sessions. Most of his providers feel that it is a phase and that he is finally figuring he “has a voice” and he’s saying “I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS!” I wish you didn’t have to buddy, I wish you didn’t have to.